The Rules of Men
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these
are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
put it down. You can handle it. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like