Q: Why do men fart more than women?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Q: What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
A: A pussy is warm and moist. A cunt is what owns it.

Q: Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair?
A: Because if you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.

Q: What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A: You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

Q: How is a woman like a laxative?
A: They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.

Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she was a woman.

Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage.

Q: Why is a blow job like lobster thermidor?
A: They're both very nice but you don't get either of them at home

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: It's braille for "suck here".

Q: Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to
improving their minds?
Q: Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

Q: What s the difference between a woman with PMS and a rottweiler?
A: Lipstick.

Q: How many men does it take to fix the vacuum cleaner?
A: Why the fuck should we fix it, we don't use the damn thing!

Q: Why are women like screen doors?
A: Once they get banged a few times, they loosen up.

Q: What's a wife?
A: An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

Q: How are women like parking spaces?
A: The best ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

Q: Why do women have tits?
A: So men will talk to them.

Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand to see a man having a good time.

Q: What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A: Money.

Q: Why do women have periods?
A: Because they deserve them.

Q: Why did God make man first?
A: He didn't want to have a woman looking over his shoulder.

Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a pussy?
A: A woman.

Q: Why does it take five women with PMS to change a light bulb?

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Who cares? What was the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first

Q: How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. Let the bitch do the dishes in the dark.
A2: None. Let the bitch do it after she finishes the dishes.

Q: What's love?
A: The delusion that one woman is different from another.

Q: Why are cyclones and tornadoes usually named after women?
A1: Because when they come they make a hell of a noise and when they go
they take half your house with them.
A2: Because what starts off as a small blow ends up taking half your

Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job will still suck.

Q: Why did God create lesbians?
A: So feminists couldn't breed.

Q: Why can't you trust women?
A: How can you trust something that can bleed for five days and not die?

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don't have balls.

Q: What's the definition of a woman?
A: A life support system for a pussy.

Q: Did you hear about the new all-female delivery service called UPMS?
A: They deliver whenever the fuck they feel like it.

Q: Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
A: Because they're ugly and they smell