GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you cant baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, dont let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, dont hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Dont sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Dont wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when youre sad is Grandpas lap.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles dont hurt.
3) Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Todays mighty oak is just yesterdays nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. Its like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the joy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while youre down there.
4) Youre getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) Its frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but its a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You dont believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.