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Actual Bumper Stickers * We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. * Jesus is coming, everyone look busy. * A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. * Horn broken, watch for finger. * All men are idiots ... I married their king. * The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. * My kid had sex with your honor student. * If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. * Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply * I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. * Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole. * I'm just driving this way to piss you off. * Jesus paid for our sins... now lets get our money's worth. * Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. * Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. * Keep honking, I'm reloading. * Hang up and drive. * I don't have to be dead to donate my organ. * I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his bus. * Lord, save me from your followers. * Guns don't kill people, postal workers do. * I said "no" to drugs, but they just woudn't listen. * Cats... the other white meat. * The gene pool could use a little chlorine. * Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT! * When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. * Friends don't let Friends drive Naked. * If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? * Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal! * Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. * He/She who laughs last thinks slowest. * Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. * Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. * Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. * Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. * Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home. * Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? * Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock. * Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. |