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1. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed. 2. Nice shoes, wanna f*ck? 3. You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand. 4. Do you know what'd look good on you? Me. 5. [Look at her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?":] Checking to see if you were made in heaven. OR: Checking to see if you're the right size. 6. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me? 7. Nice tits. Mind if I feel them? 8. I love every bone in your body - especially mine. 9. I like every muscle in your body, especially mine. 10. [Grab her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken? 11. You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink? 12. Is it hot in here or is it just you? 13. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear. 14. Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree. 15. That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it? 16. Do you want to see something swell? 17. Hey babe...do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi? 18. [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg. 19. I'd look good on you. 20. I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some? 21. Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart." 22. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. 23. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see! 24. Hi, I make more money than you can spend. 25. HI! Can I buy you a car? 26. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? 27. Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up? 28. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum." 29. Excuse me. Do you want to f*ck or should I apologize? 30. Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far? 31. Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose? 32. Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley? 33. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f*ck? [Slap] HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza? 34. Excuse me, have I f*cked you yet? 35. Fancy a f*ck? 36. Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna f*ck? 37. I am a magical being, take off your bra. 38. Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard? 39. My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream. 40. My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover." 41. Can I flirt with you? 42. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart. 43. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment? 44. F*ck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen? 45. F*ck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me? 46. Bond. James Bond. 47. That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor. 48. Drop 'em! 49. I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW! 50. I love you. I want to marry you. Now f*ck my brains out. 51. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist. 52. NOW, B*TCH! 53. Say, did we go to different schools together? 54. Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on? 55. Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes. 56. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns. 57. I had a friend who used to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you want to sleep with me." And watch them try to hold back their laughter. 58. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me? 59. You remind me of a girl I used to date. 60. What do you like for breakfast? 61. Should I call you in the morning or nudge you? 62. Would you like to have morning coffee with me? 63. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her. 64. Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I? 65. If I followed you home, would you keep me? 66. Wanna f*ck like bunnies? 67. Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!? 68. Would you like to dance or should I go f*ck myself again? 69. Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa? 70. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes. 71. Your place or mine? 72. Your face or MINE!? 73. Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here. 74. Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh. 75. I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler? 76. Sex is a killer...want to die happy? 77. Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess. 78. If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays? 79. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants. 80. Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk. 81. Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want? 82. What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room? 83. How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes? 84. Do you have a boyfriend? [No] Want one? [Yes] Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me. 85. I'm easy. Are you? 86. Are we related? Do you want to be? 87. Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them. 88. Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours? 89. I'm leaving this place..want to cum? 90. Come on, you can't get pregnant again. 91. Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across! 92. If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you. 93. What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? 94. Did it hurt? Woman: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven? 95. I am conducting a feel test of how many woman have pierced nipples? 96. Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's 97. Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you? 98. Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us 99. You smell wet. Let's Party. 100. Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair. 101. Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in? 102. Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and say: Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize? 103. I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting.. Let's meet sometime... 104. I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good. 105. No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks? 106. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart. 107. Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress. 108. Excuse me, do you live around here often? 109. Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together? 110. What's your sign? 111. You have the *ss of a great artist. 112. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. 113. Let's take a shower together -- you smell. 114. I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade. 115. If I was Elvis, would you screw me? 116. Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew... 117. Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts) 118. Hey..somebody farted. Let's get out of here. 119. What was that sound?" "It was the sound of my heart breaking. 120. I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body? 121. Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes. 122. Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated. 123. Have you ever played leap frog naked ?? 124. I'll bet you 100 bucks that you couldn't get all your clothes off in 30 seconds 125. Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire 126. Would you like to see me naked ?? 127. Do you like chicken? Suck this it's foul! 128. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya wanna do lunch! 129. I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman. 130. Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better? 131. Do you spit or swallow? 132. So....How am I doin'? 133. I would give you a piece of my mind but I have much more of something else. 134. Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night 135. I would kill or die to make love with you. 136. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway. 137. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word. 138. Hey baby, let's go make some babies. 139. I wanna floss with your pubic hair. 140. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 141. All those curves, and me with no brakes. 142. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. 143. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK 144. I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south. 145. I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality? 146. I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. 147. Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get 'em while they're hot! 148. Do you come here often? 149. Where do you live? 150. Hi. I'm Big Brother. I've been watching you... 151. Where have you been all my life? 152. Would you like to join me in the Bahamas next week? 153. Think you can dance in those shoes? 154. (Walk over to her)"Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you don't talk about it." 155. Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you." 156. Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight? 157. Hey, I know you! You were Miss Maryland last year, weren't you? 158. I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little. 159. I know a great way to burn off the 300 calories in that pastry you just ate. 160. When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs? 161. A women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?" 162. At the office copy machine. "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?" 163. Say mother, want another? (if she has kids) 164. You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute. 165. [Lick your finger, then touch you and your "friend's" shoulder] How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes? 166. My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it. 167. Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down. 168. Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them? 169. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply. 170. I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast. 171. Wow! Are those real? 172. Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks? 173. You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon. 174. I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me? 175. Do you take it up the *ss? 176. Is that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see me? 177. What would you do if I kissed you right now? 178. I'm drunk. 179. You know, I'd really love to f*ck your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it. 180. Ever tried those weird prickly condoms? 181. Hey baby, let's go back to my place and get something straight between us. 182. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 183. (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand. 184. I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your *ss when I'm finished. 185. Will you marry me and have my children? 186. I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles b*tch! 187. Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo. 189. Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy? 190. That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too. 191. Can I see your tan lines? 192. I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there. 193. You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case. 194. (leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate. 195. I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there. 196. I'll bet you $50 I could get all your clothes off in 30 seconds 197. I'm sorry I'm an artist and it's my job to stare at beautiful women. 198. Hi. You'll do. 199. Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous! 200. Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call you Sandy? Really, what time? 201. Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot. 202. Have you seen (any movie)? Would you like to? 203. If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me? 204. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole? 205. That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I. 206. (With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings. 207. Pardon me, are you in heat?! 208. Are you O.K.? Because heaven's a long fall from here. 209. You know, I never was to good at math...like if I put you and I together, I'd get 69. 210. You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls. 211. You know the more I drink, the prettier you get! 212. You're good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square? 213. Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons! 214. Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven! 215. Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag! 216. Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs. 217. Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off? 218. When she asks, "What do you think of this (dress, sweater, blouse, etc.)" Say: I like nothing better. 219. At the dinner table, if you eat together, pick up the bread and ask, "Wanna roll?" 210. That's a really nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you are wearing. 211. Ask girl if she likes jewelry. Then grab your nuts and say, "Then suck this, it's a gem!" 212. You're 'No Parking' right? Just trying to guess your sign. 213. (Good looking waitress pouring a drink) Say when! As soon as I finish this drink. 214. Lie down. I think I love you. 215. What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that? 216. My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love. 217. My friend and I have a bet that you won't take off you blouse in a public place. 218. Can you believe that just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together? 219. Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body? 220. Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to? 221. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. 222. I think I could fall madly in bed with you. 223. You: Tickle your *ss with a feather? Her: What?! You: I said 'Particular nice weather?'! 224. Hey baby, wanna play train conductor? OK. You sit on my face and I'll Chew, chew, chew! (choo!) 225. Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat. 226. Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out! 227. Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow? 228. Stand back, I'm a police officer! You go call for backup and I'll frisk her! 229. Do you have a library card? Good, cause I wanna check you out! 230. Your warm eyes melt the iciness of my heart. 231. (At church during a sermon) (Put your arm around your gal...) Honey, I don't know where he is....(motioning to the preacher) but I do know I'm here with you. 232. Baby, you look better and better each day...and tonight, you look like tomorrow! 233. Here's a quarter....call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight! 234. Hey baby, whatdya say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?!? 235. Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, "Hi Kate!" She says, "I'm not Kate!" And you say, as your hand slips a little lower, "But you sure feel like her!" 236. She: Gee, I really enjoyed myself tonight! He: Me too. Maybe we could let our bodies enjoy each other sometime! 237. You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once! 238. What's your favorite position on extramarital sex? 239. I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub. Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic 240. I've got an itch honey. Lower. Lower. Ahhh. 241. I have only three months to live... 242. Hey baby, what's your sign? All you can eat? 243. In the produce department: "How can you tell if these things are ripe?" 244. Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we're together. 245. I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking? 246. Your daddy must be a drug dealer, cuz you're dope. 247. Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile. 248. Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it? 249. Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often? 250. As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me! 251. Have you run into any trees lately? Then how bout a root! 252. If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me. 253. Want to see my stamp collection? 254. Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy. 255. Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no') , OK then, can we just practice? 256. Excuse me, you have some lipstick on your tooth, mind if I lick it off? 257. Do you know how to use a whip? 258. Do you wash your panties with Windex? Cuz I keep seeing myself in them. 259. Are those space pants? Cuz your *ss is out of this world! 260. How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning! 261. Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel! 262. Hi, wanna f*ck? Her: No! Mind lying down while I have one? 263. Baby, I'm an American Express lover....you shouldn't go home without me! 264. Baby, I'm a Nike lover....just do it. 265. Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good. 266. Excuse me, maam, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be? 267. I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start. 268. I've got the ship, you've got the harbor...what say we tie up for the night? 269. Would you like to come over to my place later? You can bring some friends because my face seats five. 270. Wanna go halves in a baby? 271. I hear you like to sing. Her: Yeah... (Whip out your pud) Well, then step up to the mike! 272. Beauty is only a light switch away... 273. Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me? 274. I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away! 275. Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! 276. Stand still so I can pick you up! 277. Hi, we're taking a survey and I need your phone number. If you give it to me, I'll call you and tell you the results. 278. I didn't know that angels could fly so low! 279. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!! 280. Do you like music?(Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo in my car! 281. Are you looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now? 282. Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit! 283. Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face. 284. Pardon me, but are those stretch marks around your mouth? 285. Do you hula? 286. I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat? 287. Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner? 288. I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven. 289. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet. 290. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business. 291. Go up to a girl at a bar or a dance and ask her "do you want a f*ck (wait for a second gauging her reaction) ...ing drink. 292. Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink. 293. Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere? 294. Excuse me do fries come with that shake? 295. I'd spend money on you I haven't even made. 296. I would give you more money than a show dog could jump over. 297. Baby, you look good coming AND going! 298. I'd marry your cat just to get in the family. 299. I can't decide if you are a better person than you are a woman or you are a better woman than you are a person. 300. Well hello there! How you screwin; glad to eat ya! 301. I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you. 302. Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself. 303. If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib. 304. You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? Twice. 305. Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?" 306. I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you. 307. You know what I like about you? My arms. 308. What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me. 309. So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation? 310. You make my software turn to hardware! 311. As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit. 322. Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth! 323. Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock! 324. Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you! 325. Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel? 326. Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart. 327. You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room 328. There are 256 bones in the human body. How'd ya like one more? 329. You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno. 330. You're ugly but you intrigue me. 331. I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that. 332. (Wait til the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say, ) come on, we're leaving. 333. You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend. 334. Do you think I could borrow that dress/bustier sometime? 335. I found this [lace glove, rosary, etc.] on the floor at the club last night, is it yours? Well, if it's not, I'd like to give it to you anyway. 336. Is that your boyfriend? I think you can do better than that! 337. I keep all of my most important poems and drawings in this little book. And I'd like you to have it because they're mostly about you. 338. Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm....weird chick. 339. We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f*ck. 340. By the way, are you 23? 341. Roses are red, tulips are not, do you wanna go home with me and f*ck 342. Just wanted to tell you I love the way you dance. 343. Hi. Are you cute? 344. So, come back to my place, |