The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather than
German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations,
Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be
known as "Euro-English.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in
favor of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have
one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words
like 'fotograf' 20% shorter!
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
Governments will enkorage the removal of doubel leters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should
By the 4th year, peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
'th' with 'z', and 'w' wiz 'v'. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o'
kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kurs
be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a
reli sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl of difikultis and evriun
vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer. Zen Z Drem Vil Finali Kum Tru!!