Actual Bumper Stickers
* We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* Horn broken, watch for finger.
* All men are idiots ... I married their king.
* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
* My kid had sex with your honor student.
* If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
* Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply
* I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
* Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
* I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
* Jesus paid for our sins... now lets get our money's worth.
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
* Keep honking, I'm reloading.
* Hang up and drive.
* I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his bus.
* Lord, save me from your followers.
* Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
* I said "no" to drugs, but they just woudn't listen.
* Cats... the other white meat.
* The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
* Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
* When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
* Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
* Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
* Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
* He/She who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
* Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home.
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
* Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.