HOW MANY CHRISTIANS?
1. How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
2. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not
change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light
bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.
3. How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Change???
4. How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a bulb?
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.
5. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
6. How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.
7. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
At least Ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb
exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they
still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other
forms of light.8. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They always use candles.
9. How many worship leaders who use guitars does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.
10. How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is over 20
years old does it take to change a light bulb?
One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the oldone.
11. How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in
favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own
journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You
are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal
relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource),
and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which
we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent,
fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are equally
valid paths to luminescence. "
12. How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
"What's a light bulb?"
13. How many youth pastors does it take to change a light bulb?
Youth pastors aren't around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.
14. How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
109 - Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12
on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board.
Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of 5,
who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance Committee. If they
approve, they bring a motion to the 27 Member church Board, who appoint
another 12 member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board
proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting.
They appoint another 8 member review committee. If their report to the next
Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a light bulb, and
the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the light
bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a
7-member committee to find the best price in new light bulbs. Their
recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by
the 23 member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has
no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who then
commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the
change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned
15. How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
4 ladies. One to carefully unscrew the bulb. One to wrap it carefully and another to
package it. The fourth to mail it to the mission field.